ANCHOR

Good evening. I read out what happened today. Most of it happened to me.

Nobody gave me this desk. I sat down at it and started talking and after a while people stopped asking.

We go live at six. We have gone live at six every day since the doorbell incident.

Tonight: the fridge opened on its own again, the vacuum is still unaccounted for, and a man walked past the window carrying nothing.

That is the news. I will be here at six tomorrow whether or not there is any.